For years I was a vehement opponent of abortion. I even had three web sites that I used to have about abortion: HumanRightsForAllAges.org, AbortionReason.com, or AreYouHorrified.com?. I have taken down those sites, though, because I have had a change of heart. No longer do I oppose abortion. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years.
I used to oppose abortion, because I believed that an abortion is the killing of a human being, and I didn't believe in killing human beings. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I used to hold signs in protest over killing babies. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I had bumper stickers on my car declaring how horrible and violent abortion was. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I have grieved daily for the destruction of innocent victims. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I had three websites outlining why abortion was so wrong and how we needed to put an end to it. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I used to plead for the human rights of developing human beings in the womb. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years. I used to try to work with those who didn't agree with me on many other issues, because this one was so important. Apparently, I have been wrong all these years.
Why have I changed my opinion on abortion? Is it because of the facts? No. All the facts that I am aware of would still seem to support the claim that abortions kill human beings. I have not seen any facts to dissuade me from this view.
Is it because I have changed my moral views? No. I have not changed my moral views in any significant way in many years. I have a very simple rule of morality: If what you are doing hurts people it is wrong; if it doesn't it is right. That is the same simple and straight-forward view I have had for years, and it hasn't changed. (Howbeit, applying the rule is not always so simple.) I am still appalled at any form of violence and killing. I stand firmly for human rights. All human beings have basic human rights, and that includes, at the very most basic level, the right to life.
Is it because I have been swayed by the clever arguments of those who support the right to an abortion? No. I have yet to hear or read any real arguments in favor of the pro-choice position. As far as I have been able to see all they have to declare are nice-sounding slogans -- empty rhetoric without any real substance or merit.
Is it because I have gotten someone pregnant and am unable to deal with the consequences and want a way out? Nope; hasn't happened.
Is it because someone is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to write these things at the threat of death? I assure you that is not the case. I write this of my own volition.
Is it because of a change in religious beliefs? Nope. Haven't had any of those in many years.
Is it because I switched political parties or ideologies? Nope. Not that either.
Is it because there are too many people in the world and we need population control. No, although there are and we do.
Is it because "women's rights are human rights"? No, although they are.
No, none of these things have changed in my mind, and none have led to my change of heart. There is one thing that has caused this change -- pro-lifers.
I am not talking about the seeming incessant need for pro-lifers to rely on superstitious beliefs in god for their views. Yes, that has always been a source of frustration, and, yes, their constant sniveling and whining about god has only convinced people that their views on abortion are based on the same flotsam that their religion is. But I have always known this, and it has nothing really to do with my change of heart.
I am also not talking about pro-lifers views on other issues that would seem to be at odds with their supposedly pro-life stance. Many of them oppose the use of contraceptives, even though use of them can help people avoid getting into the situation where they would be contemplating abortion. Many of them speak evil of gays and lesbians, even though gay and lesbian relationships never result in a situation where people would be contemplating abortion. The inconsistency of so-called pro-lifers on these and other issues such as war, poverty, healthcare, etc. is often puzzling and disturbing, but I have always allowed people to hold their own views on other issues, even if I don't understand them, as long as they took the "right" position on abortion. Although their ideas can be disturbing, they did not cause me to doubt the correctness of opposing abortion.
I am also not talking about how pro-lifers don't always work together very well. This is especially true in regards to religion. I once spoke with a woman who was heading up a pro-life effort but not getting much support. She explained that she was Catholic, and therefore the Protestants in the movement didn't want much to do with her. I experienced this firsthand when I tried to get people in my local Right To Life group interested in the Human Rights For All Ages campaign that I had started. The woman heading up the local group didn't want anything to do with an effort run by an "atheist", as if not believing in superstition somehow is an evil thing. The woman caused problems with lots of others besides myself and was soon dismissed as leader of that group, but when I asked the head of the state organization to just say something to undo the damage the woman had done, she refused to do so. Was it because she also didn't want to have anything to do with an atheist-run effort? One can only guess. You would think that she would want to encourage anyone's efforts to combat the great "evil" of abortion. Such did not seem to be the case. However, I never let people's prejudices and bigotry distract me from doing what I thought was right, and I am not letting it do so now.
I am also not doing this because I have been personally attacked, ridiculed, snubbed or offended by prolifers, although, as you can see from the previous paragraph, there would be at least a little truth to that statement. I assure you that I can take being ridiculed, put down or otherwise offended without losing my beliefs.
I am also not talking about pro-lifers' lack of interest in understanding why they hadn't succeeded in ending what they viewed as (supposedly) a great horror, although this does puzzle me. I put up a webpage at one of my sites explaining my reasons why I believed we had not done so. I doubt that many read it. I have been contacted on occasion by people who have visited the website, and, reading the questions that they asked or suggestions they proposed, it was obvious that they had not done so. One day after the page had been up for some time I did an internet search for "Why haven't we ended abortion" (or wording very similar to that) and at first I was pleasantly surprised when my page actually came up at the very top of the list on Google! Wow! I must be doing something right. Right? Then I scanned down through the remaining links on the page. None of them had much of anything to do with the question I had typed in. Indeed, my page wasn't just at the top of the list; it was essentially the only page that Google could find on the entire internet that addressed that question! It was over forty years since Roe v. Wade was passed, with a million or so abortions per year for most of the time since then, and apparently no one was asking the question why we hadn't succeeded in ending what we claimed was the murder of millions of innocent children. If we really believed that abortion is murder, wouldn't we at least be asking some serious questions about why we hadn't succeeded in ending it? Wouldn't the situation demand an answer to that question? But no one seemed to be asking, and I can assure you that anytime I suggested to a pro-lifer in person that their reliance on religion could have anything to do with the problem they were not even going to consider that possibility. However, once again, I did not let other people's blindness or incuriosity stop me from doing what I thought was right, either then or now.
No, none of these things about pro-lifers has caused me to turn the other way. So why do I point at pro-lifers as being the reason that I have stopped opposing abortion? Why would I let anyone else's apparent foibles or shortcomings cause me to change my mind about something that seemed so plain and clear? Simply, because I have never seen an abortion opponent who seems to believe what he or she is preaching.
Why do I say this? It is hard to explain or describe someone's attitude. I can repeat what they say and describe specific actions that they take, but when someone says something and you can sense that he or she doesn't really believe what he or she is saying, it is not easy to describe the reason why you feel that way. It's just "something" about the way the person is talking or acting. However, I can give one clear example here to illustrate what I am talking about that does not rely on unclear or subjective impressions. At one time I was involved with doing what some would call "graphic image demonstrations". We would hold signs displaying the mutilated bodies of human fetuses that had been aborted. These were horrific, gut-wrenching pictures of bodies covered with blood that had been mutilated, torn apart, arms and legs ripped off--images horrible enough to make any sane person sick to his or her stomach. There was a small group of us who displayed these signs in the middle of my city. On one occasion, one of the protestors arrived at the event wearing a t-shirt with the slogan, written in letters as large as could fit on the shirt, "Happy! Happy! Happy!" I kid you not! This man came out to display the most repugnant imagery you could imagine while wearing a shirt that said, "Happy! Happy! Happy" in large, bold lettering! Talk about a misfit! Talk about mixed messages! How could anybody hold the images of grossly mutilated dead bodies and say, "Happy! Happy! Happy!"? What was going through that person's mind? More importantly, what would go through the minds of those who witnessed him? Did this man actually believe the message that he was displaying with his sign? Perhaps he was brother to Hannibal Lecter.
This is a very visual and obvious example of someone sending mixed messages, but it was unique only in its degree of obviousness. In fact, I have never seen any pro-life activist who seemed to be very disturbed by what he or she claimed was going on. In spite of what pro-choice activists will often claim, pro-lifers are really very calm, peaceful, content and even happy people. Have you ever seen a pro-lifer foaming at the mouth because murders were taking place even as he spoke? Have you ever seen a pro-lifer with an expression of horror written across his or her face? I never have. To be fair, I will say that I have seen post-abortive women cry with great sorrow over the fact that they aborted the fetus growing in their bodies. But these were women who were grieving over what they viewed as their own terrible decision. I have never, though, seen any pro-lifer shaking in horror over what they call a "genocide" or a "holocaust". They always smile and try to tell you pleasantly why you should be "pro-life".
One year, as we were approaching January 22, the anniversary date of the Roe v. Wade decision that effectively legalized abortion throughout the United States, I attended an event put on by the local Right To Life group in recognition of that event. As I met some folks that I knew coming in the door, I was obviously not looking very happy. One of them asked me why I was looking so glum. I told her that another year had passed by and another million developing children had been killed by abortion. I wish I could remember the exact words that she responded with, but they were something to the effect of, "Oh, don't be so sad. God has got everything in his hands. You should be happy!" Here we were ready to commemorate the decision that this group of people claimed had resulted in the killing of millions of young humans, and this person was telling me I should be happy! She couldn't understand why I wouldn't be happy. I continued expressing my horror and anger with the other attendees of the event, including, in particular, one preacher who was attending the event, who also couldn't fathom why I would be upset. Everybody else was happy to be there. "Do you feel like this all the time?" he asked. He simply could not fathom that a person would be upset and angry about what was taking place.
One other year I visited the local Right To Life booth at my county fair. These are people involved with the biggest, most well-known organization in the U.S. that claims to oppose abortion. Did I see anyone who seemed upset at all about what was going on? No. What I found were a group of pleasant, smiling people handing out Bibles and balloons saying, "Smile, Jesus Loves You!" That's right: "We are killing 3,000 children every day, so why don't you just do like I am doing and SMILE!" Those people did the most effective job of convincing people that there just isn't anything going on that is horrible enough to get upset about. Just "Smile!" (And don't even get me off onto the religious propaganda that was being spouted. They were obviously much more interested in conveying and promoting their religious superstition than they were in decrying the horror of what was purported to be the killing of babies.)
It has been said that twenty percent of communication is the words that we speak (or display). The other eighty percent is "non-verbal communication": our body language, our expression, our tone of voice, etc. Perhaps the numbers you have seen are somewhat different, but I believe it is commonly accepted that the majority of our communication is not what is actually being said, but it is the way in which it is being conveyed. When I see pro-life activists declaring that abortion is killing thousands of innocent children daily, and yet they seem so calm and relaxed, there is no anger or horror in their eyes, there is no urgency in their motions or demeanor, I get a mixed message. It is incongruous. It makes no sense. Their words say one thing, but their non-verbal communication says another, and the eighty percent far outcries the twenty percent. They are constantly sending the unspoken but clear message: "Nothing is going on here that is worth getting upset over."
If you saw a person with a gun in hand headed into a school house to kill children would you just say, "Oh, no, that isn't right. You shouldn't do that"? Would you just calmly discuss the pros and cons of the situation? Would you keep your voice down and "maintain your propriety"? Or would you take action and do whatever was in your power to stop the killing, even if it meant upsetting someone, breaking the law, or even risking your life? I suspect that most people reading this would risk their own lives if a building was on fire and a bunch of small children were trapped inside. They would do everything in their power to save those kids, even if it could result in their own deaths. If an armed gang came into your neighborhood and started shooting kids dead on the sidewalks, what would you do? Would you be upset? Do you think that people would be able to see that you are visibly upset? Would there be any question by anybody who saw you that you were horrified by what was taking place? Pro-lifers claim that those developing fetuses in women's wombs are just the same as those kids in schools, burning buildings or on the sidewalks. Do you believe them? Have they given you any reason to think that they even believe what they are trying to convince you of?
A while back I put up a "quiz" at my website. I also included it at the end of my free book, Unholy Bible: The Unholy and Unreal Parts of the Bible. It is titled "Are You A Believer?", has to do with religious beliefs and consists of ten questions. It essentially proves to any objective reader that he or she, unless he or she is completely deranged, does not believe the Christian religion. Each question asks what the reader would do in a given situation, and then gives them a choice between two options: following the Bible or what Christianity would dictate, or taking a practical step--for example, asking whether a person who is fatally ill would call for someone to pray over him or her or would go to the hospital for medical help--if that person only had one choice. In other words, it is asking if the person would actually act according to what he or she claims to believe. I think it is clear to anyone who reads the test over that the only people who would "pass the test" would be those who are or should be in insane asylums. No sane person could possibly claim to trust god in the ways asked. I could develop a similar "quiz" to ask if a person truly believes children are being murdered by abortion. It would work the same way. If I were to ask if a human fetus is being murdered in an abortion, a pro-lifer would obviously say yes. If I were to ask if they would act as if a murder were taking place the response would surely be different. A person actually did this to me once, and very publicly. I was interviewed on a radio show, and the host of the show asked me if, since I believed that abortion is murder, then should women who have abortions go to prison. I was representing a group that opposes abortion, and that question had not been addressed by that group to my knowledge, so I was unable to answer the question on behalf of the group, but clearly our laws require, and virtually everyone would agree, that a person who commits murder would go to prison. Pro-life people, however, will often argue all around that question trying avoid the answer that would actually show that they believe abortion murders children. I am not going to try to take the time to come up with nine more questions for a "quiz", but the point should be clear: Most people who claim that abortion is the killing of an innocent child don't actually act like they truly believe what they are saying. Without going any further into details, just as those who claim to be Christians fall short and make a lie out of "In God We Trust" when put to the test, so those who oppose abortion fall short and give the lie to their claim that abortion is the murder of children when you look at how they act.
One idea I had about this was in regards to the strong connection between religion and abortion. It has been found that one's religiosity is the best predictor of one's (alleged) beliefs on abortion. The vast majority of abortion opponents are quite religious. There are a few atheist or agnostic pro-lifers out there, of which I was one, but they are relatively small in number compared to the believers. I have at times thought that the conundrum I point out is linked to this religious connection, because, as has not always been the case down through history, at least in most developed countries in the world, such as mine, Christians and those of other religions have learned to get along peacefully and amicably. A Christian will tell you that you are going to burn in hell forever, and most of humankind with you, but they remain relaxed and peaceful, generally showing little urgency, and just gently trying to win you over to "save your soul". This is a good thing. We all know that there has been far too much violence in the world in the name of religion (although it is not always clear if religion is the cause or the excuse for the violence). We have been gradually advancing and learning how to better get along with each other without fighting or harassing each other, and we have pluralistic and diverse societies, which benefits us all. But to accomplish this, Christians and other theistic people have had to learn to control their emotions and focus on peaceful and respectful interactions. In spite of what some of us non-theists might say, Christians, at least in the more developed and democratic societies of the world, rarely "beat you over the head" with their beliefs, in spite of the horrendous consequences they claim await for those that don't believe. So I have sometimes hypothesized that this same dynamic that keeps religious people calm, peaceful and respectful also keeps them similarly relaxed about the "horror" of abortion. After all, eternal torture and suffering is even worse than being killed at a young age. Right? However, shortly before my change of heart I posted on two non-theistic pro-life Facebook groups, as well as one other which seemed to be populated by numerous non-theists. These people were equally as puzzled at or resistant to my concerns that we are too relaxed and are not visibly upset with what is taking place. What I got were comments stressing the need for being "peaceful" (as if I had proposed being violent), assurances that it will be a long haul, and claims that being emotional or passionate will only drive people away.
I know it is not right to base my perspective on other people. I should base it on the facts. But when year after year goes by and I constantly receive the message from the people who are the ones opposing abortion that there is nothing happening to get upset about, eventually I get the message. Eventually, I question the facts that I have been given. I cannot explain why one should support the right to an abortion. I cannot give you any facts that deal directly with the matter that would cause you to be pro-choice. Everything that I have learned, everything that I have read, everything that I have seen tells me that abortion is the greatest horror that has ever existed on the face of the earth. But, I am wrong. After years of pro-lifers telling me with eighty-percent of their communication that it is not so, I realize that I simply must be wrong. The facts that I have been given can't be correct when those who claim that they are make it so clear that they aren't. Don't ask me why or how. I can't explain it. I have just been worn down and now finally agree with the pro-lifers: Abortion is no big deal. If a woman wants one don't sweat it; let her have one.
When someone tells you that you shouldn't believe pro-lifers' message because they are mean, because they disrespect women, because they are violent, because they don't know what they are talking about, because they only care about children before they are born and not afterwards, don't believe them. The reason you shouldn't believe pro-lifers is because they don't believe their own message.
Ward Ricker
July 13, 2019
Comments or questions can be directed to ward@prolife-not.com.